are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
