I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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