I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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