literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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