if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
