maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
