You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need moral support for this bender
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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