he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
