Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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