Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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