ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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