very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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