How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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