when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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