I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is the high leading the old right now
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
