super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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