His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
