Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
