I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
