and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
