I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
