Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
