brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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