captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
why is half of my head shaved?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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