dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
