after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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