What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
