I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
