So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
