dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
