hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.