somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
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Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
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we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to