Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that