You just made me feel so damn special
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.