Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch