some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding