there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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