Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
