I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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