Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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