And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
