the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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