i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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