I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
