Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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