At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They should really pass out barf bags in church
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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