dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
