**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
