Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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