She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
