We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
