I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
