it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
