i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
