Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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