I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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