I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
