I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
