Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
