you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize