Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
