Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
