im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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