I'm going to jail i love you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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