Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
