My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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