Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
