to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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