I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
