Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
