we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
