Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
