I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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