dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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