once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
