sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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