i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize