Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
