so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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