Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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