I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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