you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just had sex on a roof
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
