Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
