Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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