then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
