You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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