Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
