When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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