we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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