I am midnight drunk by noon
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
