Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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