Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
